Sometimes you may get sucked into conversation with strangers. That’s not a big deal. Especially if you’re coordinating hosting a social event. No big deal.

It’s when you realize you may be inadvertently cockblocking another individual that you realize what you’re really doing. You get suckered into a conversation. You keep talking. You know said individual is there with another person. No big deal. 30–45 minutes pass; you’re still stuck there. You try to succinctly escape. It never quite happens.

You try to pass the buck. It almost happens, but you’re again not afforded the opportunity for escape. You continue to try (nonchalantly) to no avail. At this point, you’re more than obviously aware of your own situation. You just pray it’s not what you think it is.

I wanted nothing more than to partake in social interactions, win some (favorable) approval of others, and maybe leave the social with some improved opinions of myself. Instead, I leave worrying I cockblocked another professor in the department (whose “date” (?) needed to wish a goodbye before they departed), and feeling awkward as fuck for doing so. I even tried to escape to conversation with others, yet she (obviously, easily) found me to wish be good departings.

Yes, I want to feel appreciated. Yes, I want to feel wanted. But sweet Jesus fuck (perdon mon français), I don’t want to be cockblocking another colleague in the process.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeease don’t tell me this is what was happening tonight…

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