My committee meeting on Wednesday went about as expected. Unfortunately, I didn’t really get to assembling any of my presentation until Tuesday night. I guess this just fulfills my old dogma that I always perform better under a deadline. Maybe this is why I have so many white hairs already…

But no, really, the meeting did go fairly well. I think.I laid out all my plans for what I’m expecting to finish for my work/paper/story in my research. My brain keeps telling me you’ve gotten shit accomplished over the past year, you’re going to have to defend yourself for why the productivity is subpar. I really wasn’t broached about any of it except to simply suggest some alternative options for how to move forward and address one of my issues (that I am willing subsist upon because I really want those experiments to work).

Ultimately, end of the summary meeting before my committee, the consensus was to “get to it!” I got a similar response to my meeting last year. I think my retrospection on that event was very similar. I really have not shunned this over-thinking paranoia like I thought I was going to. When I’m not stressed and a bit more relaxed, it isn’t really an issue. However, I am typically bored out of my mind when I’m “relaxed,” because I have really only been achieving that lately by isolating myself and relaxing with some music. And a few other isolated events, but I will detail those slightly later in their own context.

I need to get over this anxiety with any inadequacies in my research. Once I can just relax and do the experiments (instead of over-thinking them before I have even done them), then I won’t have such an issue pushing myself into 10-12 hour days in the lab.

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