Why yes, I do have a regular set of just a couple drinks I always get at Starbucks…..but you, recently-transferred barista, do not know know what they are! I find it cute and amusing that you try and guess at what they are, but you and the manager both have had poor luck calling my shots (no pun intended). You will in time (if sufficient enough attention is paid to them, although I do appreciate you enjoying the humor on my t-shirts), so don’t look so discouraged!

Prioritization of drinks:

  1. Venti bold coffee
    • ‘Cause most mornings, I just want a kick of some caffeine, and I like my coffee kick-me-in-the-ass strong. Tim Hortons and Dunkin’ Donuts just can’t match up strength-wise.
  2. Quad venti soy latte
    • Two shots of espresso in a venti latte is just a joke, so I double that and use soy milk to cut the bitter edge off a tad1, not because I have dairy issues or whatnot. I think that still confuses some of the baristas, as if I ever order soy in a drink with whipped cream on top, they always ask if I still want the whipped cream. This is usually ordered on the mornings that I a) have a free drink coupon, or b) have had too light of a breakfast to get a full coffee and not end up with the shakes from low blood sugar.
  3. Quad venti mocha
    • These are for the mornings I’ve had no breakfast. All that crazy mocha flavoring is so damn loaded with sugar, I can’t get low blood sugar issues despite the four shots of espresso. It’s also one of their few drinks that still tastes okay with four shots of espresso in it2.
  4. Seasonals/conditionals
    • These are usually my afternoon drinks. Totally dictated by the weather/temperature/alignment of the planets. It’s no use predicting what I will drink at these hours (unless I’m in a foul mood3). The three above are probably 99%-guaranteed during the morning hours.

A couple of the other baristas are aware enough to realize what my regulars are, but must know better than (or not bother) to predict them. They just pick up on the changes to the regulars I request3,4. Like I said: you’ll get there! Eventually. I think. *shifty eyes*

P.S. It was just plain weird when you asked if I used to be a regular in West Seneca or Orchard Park, or one of the suburbs way down to the south. I never get that far south of the city for anything short of a roadtrip, let alone enough times to be a regular of anything. She could have swore that I was from there, however!


1I usually pull my own espressos on the short side so they’re not nearly so bitter. I suppose I could try and ask the baristas about doing that, but I don’t know if they have that much control over the machine during the extraction process.
2The dark cherry mocha also goes well. In fact, I’d say it actually tastes better with four shots of espresso to cut back on that ridiculous amount of sweetness in it. But like the white chocolate mocha with four shots of espresso? Bleagh! Disgusting!
3One of the couple cute baristas at the Starbucks I frequent totally noticed I was in a shitty mood one weekend evening while ordering a sort of “comfort food” style (aka chai tea latte) drink. I’m not one for being terribly readable emotion-wise through my face, but either it was that apparent or she just got used to reading me.
4The other of the cute baristas notices whenever I get my lattes with anything less than four shots of espresso. I mean shit, three shots is an easy day for me, and she’ll notice!

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