I keep telling myself lately that I know what I really want, but day to day, it seems to effortlessly change and sway in my head. One day I want to live in the city outskirts; the other I cannot fathom leaving the city centre.
I want to wake up early and watch the sun rise, have coffee, migas, and spicy home fries, let my mind relax, and then nap in the late morning sun; other days I want to stay up all night, entertaining my racing mind that rarely knows when to quit.
Pick up a book and read all afternoon, or put on record after record and lay on the floor listening to them; hop on my computer and play Minecraft, or blow things up on Diablo III, or listen to some crazy plots working through Borderlands 2.
I feel like I should be a freakin’ Gemini like this. On the other hand, if Pisces really is a dreamer, maybe my dreaming has just gotten too far away from me. It has become so expansive that I just want everything. Can I have everything?
Well, not quite. Not quite everything. But, I can have a lot. I can have the reasonable. I can even have the unreasonable. I can plan the reasonable. I have to be creative with the unreasonable. But really, as long as I remember to embrace them, and they’re sound of mind, I can have most the secret wishes that I crave and desire.
I’m sure this sounds vague as hell. My brain is just ridiculously aflutter with all kinds of thoughts and plans and projects and schemes for starting the next stage in my life. Moving to Toronto provides a strong opportunity to help continue to push what I start now. I need to acknowledge and refine what I know will work now. Set it in motion, and remember the most critical part of any plan: followthrough.
Some days I felt like I would never get through this PhD. Those days are in the past, as my remaining days as a PhD candidate are now limited. I survived seven years of this. If I can survive this, I can survive a lot more. Henceforth, I need to remember I can endure. To get where I want and need to be, I can endure. I can make it happen!