December 24 – Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
I think it really hit me that things were going to be okay when I finally found a new apartment to live in over the summer. I had a ridiculous amount of anxiety over that. It doesn’t help that it seems to be really hard to hunt for apartments more than 2 months in advance, and you have to give your notice anywhere from 30-60 days in advance…so you basically have to commit yourself to moving out, and then hope you can find a place by the time you do have to move out!
I hate the transitioning state. I want nothing more than to sink into a place, get entrenched, and make it my own. Being that I’m still working out that transitory stage of my career, it’s killing me a little on the inside. That, and I’m just getting tired of the chronic moving anyways. I can not wait until I finally find that stable industry or faculty position at a university, so I know I can finally find a nice lil’ house, and as much as I hate to say it, “nest.”
I don’t mean nesting so much in the sense that I need to provide a home for a family. I just need to provide a home for me. Or one more, if I’m so lucky in the near future, but mostly me. Everyone has their cozy lil’ environment that they can retire do when they’re done for the day, or need an escape from the world. Or real space to setup their hobbies, or projects, or whatever!
Incorporation of that over the following year will be tough; it’s not exactly something I can plan on just yet. I guess I just have the two options at the moment. Firstly, hope I don’t have to find a new place again come summer if I haven’t finished my degree yet. Secondly, as an alternative, I may luck out, finish early1, and then finally get on with my life to the next stage and be one step away from finally being able to settle into some permanence.