Lunch talk is done. Was rather terrible, in my own thoughts. Finishing it too close to the deadline, in combination with little practice rehearsing it & too much coffee throughout the morning means I stumbled (hard) a few more times than I would have liked. Half of my story was clearly a trainwreck (it’s been a messy project to date), while the latter one was pretty nicely formed (as it’s been pretty clean & straightforward so far). Oy vay.

I think I’m having some wine with (or for) dinner once I get home and get tonight’s exercises out of the way with. And maybe a full night of sleep, while I’m at it…

07. January 2014 · 1 comment · Categories: Personal

I feel like I only bitch lately. I feel like I’m coming off as argumentative, oppressing, and just downright cranky. It’s only exacerbated by the snap judgments coming right back, whether they’re warranted or not. And the people I do care about…I feel like nearly all of them have drifted off, leaving me for who knows why (unless it’s the below referenced). I have one friend who consistently reaches out to me as of late, which feels sad as someone 1000 miles away who doesn’t even know me as well as the rest of my friends out there.

I’ve removed all Twitter & Facebook applications from my mobile (edit: and laptop/desktop…forgot about them for a sec) devices. It won’t surprise me that if you’re reading this, this is probably how you first learned of it. I’m getting off of those media streams; I don’t feel appreciated on them anymore, and it’s largely probably because I’m not earning any appreciation in the way I’ve been treating them. So I’m off of them for the rest of the week. We’ll see how I feel about returning to them come the weekend. If not then, maybe next weekend. Next month. Who knows; I know better than to feel this way about something as petty as social media, so I need to do something more drastic than day-to-day compensations to console myself.

I have a talk I need to do tomorrow anyways. And got the notice to hunker down and finish this review article. And slipped in the shower (tailbone & back of skull took hits) Sunday night thanks to a clean tub & cleaner residue. And sliced open my thumb yesterday in the lab. And slipped on the ice (in my winter boots of all things) and aggravated my tailbone again (and dented my MacBook Pro through my backpack). And sliced open my index finger of my left hand tonight peeling potatoes. I sink all my evening time into exercises as soon as I get home, then dinner, then dishes, then a shower. Then it’s catching up on whatever else I have left. I may decimate myself before this week is out.

I need to find my own groove. Quit worrying about maintaining those friendships & focus on myself; they’ll come back & find me somehow if I really meant something.


This isn’t supposed to be melodramatic, but more like brutal honesty to myself. Nothing against the lot of you, I just need to find some things out for myself.

Until I feel like returning to social media, don’t expect my blog posts to be advertised on Twitter anymore. You can either subscribe to my blog if you really want updates, or you can just use the RSS feature built into these WordPress installations.