Starting my work with radioactivity1 again today, I took it upon myself to try and track down a lab coat that fits. The lab has a small collection of archaic2 lab coats that I looked through, but unfortunately none of them fit. Because they were just all wadded up & shoved into the shelf (and because I’m a bit of a neat freak), I opted to fold them back up to save some space. As I was working through them, one of the lab coats crunched when I smoothed it out.

I tracked down the culprit: one of the pockets was harbouring an (extremely) old latex glove that was falling apart. As I was explaining what the source of the crunch was to the technician, I exclaimed that it looked rather terrible and it was “old and crunchy.”
At which point, it could be subsequently heard in my head being voiced by my good colleague Tom still back in Buffalo, “Like your mom, yeaaaaaahhhhhh!” Despite that immaturity, still one of the most rational & logically minded individuals I know. And a great sounding board when I need it.

Zetti’s may have been shitty pizza more oft than not, but man I kind of miss those escapes from the lab for lunch. Thank god we started going to My Burger Bar during my last year there instead!

1Having worked with tritium in the past, I sort of loathed radioactivity; no convenient means by which to detect it. Thankfully, 32P is way easier to detect & monitor! So I can go home and not be worried about sucking radioactive wing sauce off of my fingers to mutagenize my gonads & germ layers, 2-week half-life or not.
2These lab coats are very likely older than the undergraduate students in the lab, and likely threatening to be older than myself, I’d hazard.

  • October 2nd – Just found out about. Reeeeeeally want to go.
  • Completely undecided yet. Have to find Soundlab first.
  • October 3rd – BPO Opening Night. *drools* ‘Nuff said?
  • October 17th – BPO’s Rachmaninoff piano concerto. Looking forward to this!
  • October 21st – Andrew Bird featuring St. Vincent. Omgomgomgomgomgomg… Seriously, yes, I’m giddy about this one. As pumped about this as I am about the BPO opener, if not moreso.
  • October 27th – The Get Up Kids. Been a fan of them since around 1999 I think? Unfortunately haven’t listened to any of their new music since, but I’m really curious to see them in concert.

    In other random stuff, football party plans appear to be flopping for Sunday. I will have a person over, maybe another two. Maybe I should plan for something a tad earlier, although I thought everyone in this town was all about the spontaneity? *sighs* I suppose it is a home game; that didn’t help.

    Forethought man, forethought!

  • Digging up the past, whether it be intentional or accidental is always a bit reminiscent (no, really?) and somewhat awkward in feeling as well. I was scouring through my old emails in an attempt to relinquish some working password to my old website hosted through an old friend, but that failed miserably. That site may stay still until the end of time. I almost feel embarrassed that it’s up, but considering it doesn’t even appear to register on reputable search engines, I’m not terribly concerned.

    Anyways, back to my point, digging through my old saved messages, I was surprised to see whom I still had emails from. It’s interesting to see how my social structure has changed since my middle years of college. Thinking back on it, I have this split urge to come off as a more mature, refined individual. Yet, daily, I have these urges to let the childish nature lash out still to unleash wanton and hilarious silliness to lighten the mood. It’s a really odd feeling, and I feel one will persevere and the other will ultimately die out, although I do my best to main both in my day to day life.

    It really boils down to my concern on the opinions of others. I still have that urge to always come off well to other people, and worry less about myself in the process. It’s an odd habit I’ve always had, and thankfully it’s toned down over the years. Sometimes, it would just be nice to be rid of it, right? Although, yet again, I digress.

    So, as I was pondering over my old communications, I reflected on the kind of people they were then. I look at the people I know now and I can see a definite difference between the social crowds. I still feel like I fit in awkwardly here in Buffalo. I don’t have that same kind of niche I had back in Fargo. Hell, I was just finally getting comfortable with the niche after three to four years there. I wish I could find that same kind of niche here in Buffalo, but that remains complicated by a few factors. Firstly, I have to realize exactly what it was about that niche that made it “home” to me. Secondly, I have to find some of those people. Sometimes it feels so agonizing to meet people and sometimes suffer yourself through their inane discussions as you’ve realized thirty seconds too late that you probably should not have introduced yourself.

    In other thoughts, I’m trying to visualize a look to my main-page that I could put together as a sort of portal to my blog and other connections. I really like the look of JannyGirl‘s portal page (still bookmarked so I can track down her massage service if wifey and/or myself want to give it a try…she sounds like she’s pretty good), but I don’t want to come off as a blatant rip-off of that. Regardless, I’m sure it will share some of the elements her designer used…it’s slick, it’s simple, it’s great!

    My cat trusts in me pretty unconditionally. She’s been with us long enough to realize that despite the fact we try to get her to swallow pills, and we bathe her weekly just to follow with a sulfonated lime dip, that we still feed her, love her, and pamper her far more than she probably needs to be. That trust is simple and easy to understand. Probably a bit blind in devotion, but it’s there nonetheless.

    Trust with other people has never been that easy. I know Holly and I trust each other deeply, but there are times when my mind worries that I’ll break the trust, despite what she may think. I’ve come to notice that I don’t have many female friends here in Buffalo; this is something that was quite the opposite back in Fargo. The majority of my friends in Fargo were female, with a minority of males that I also spent time with.

    Things are a little different in Buffalo. I’ve got a good handful of male friends (more casual than I’m used to for most friends), and very few (if any) female friends that I spend time with. I was pondering this slightly last night when I caught up with an old friend of seven years now. I noticed that I really had no female friends here…I just happen to keep up with a lot of them from the Midwest. I pondered this today at some point while I was at work, and I realized that I was concerned that Holly could/would be jealous of something like that. I don’t mind her spending time with her male friends here, so I really had to wonder why I was so concerned she’d be upset with me spending time with female friends.

    We broached this subject, and obviously she mentioned she’s not concerned in the least. She admitted she might be slightly jealous that I’d choose to spend some time with them instead of her, but sometimes you just need a little change in your social life and so one would have friends for just such an occasion. I thought about this train of thought (yay for redundancy!) a little more, and I think I’m scared I might actually really like the female if I spend a fair bit of time with them. I worry that despite my love for Holly, my desire (be it altruistic or more wanton) in such a case would lead me to feeling unfaithful. Yet again, this made me realize that I probably worry too damn much!

    So I plan to worry about this a little less. Sure, this seems like a trivial thing to be blogging about, but this has been a recurring issue in my past: my over-thought concern with regards to other people’s feelings about me. I don’t worry enough about myself, and lo and behold that may be a substantial contributor to my stress levels! Again, it’s time for me to worry a little less and not chastise myself over the consequences unless it’s something that’s really warranted.

    That, and just tell Holly if I’m worried about something. I like a girl? Big whoop! I’ll let Holly know and just leave it as is! Remind Holly that I love her, and let her know I’ve found a new good friend, guy or girl alike!