19. October 2009 · 1 comment · Categories: Rant · Tags: ,

One of my dear friends from North Dakota recently took it upon herself to move out to Maryland. The back-story that leads up to this is that her and a man from that area had been talking for quite a while online and were building up a significant relationship. They made a mutual decision to take the relationship to the next stage, which involved them moving in together (or at least closer to each other). The respective job hunts led to her finding a position in the area, so the plan was to move her out to Maryland and find a place there so he would not have to give up his job.

Flash-forward a couple months; things went a little haywire for the man, so between all the stress and everything suggests to maybe not literally move in together right away. She finds herself a domicile she can rent on a month to month lease, and they decide she’ll just move in with him once they’re ready, since he’s taking the apartment that they were originally going to rent together.

Flash-forward to Friday. I drive down to Pittsburgh to meet her since she’s taking an overnight stop there. Unfortunately she took a wrong turn in Ohio, so she got in rather late (like 11 instead of 7). We were going to catch up, grab a meal, maybe see part of the city, but unfortunately she’s far too tired for any of that and needs to recover to finish the last stretch of the drive Saturday morning. We grab a quick dinner at Denny’s, head back over to her hotel and just crash for the night (I sure as hell wasn’t going to drive back at that hour of the night, although I wish I had considering how uncomfortable the two queens were).

We grab some breakfast at Panera and set off our separate ways. Later I get a very distressed phone call from her Saturday evening. She has been completely unable to reach the man she was moving to Maryland to be with, to the point that her phone calls get responded with a programmed message regarding something about a restricted call. She asks me to try and call him as she’s obviously distressed and concerned, but I get nothing more than an unanswered ringer and voicemail. However, this is far more than she received. Something smells fishy…blocked phone number1? But why the hell would he do that? He was just talking to her on Friday!

Later, she makes it back to her apartment after we’ve assessed she’s okay, and to get what she needs to be on her own until her moving crew shows up Friday. She hops onto some unsecured WiFi access and finds that she’s been removed from his MySpace and Facebook friends lists? This is just all kinds of fucked up now. Obviously, it would appear she’s being ditched. Hands down. This is like the worst thing one could do to her now that she has moved out there. She has no family out there. No friends out there. In fact, I’m the closest one at present! Seriously, who the fuck does something like this?!?

She sent him an email or two demanding an answer. She deserves one. I have to agree. This seems completely unwarranted.

She actually receives one today. I may not be a forensic profiler, but I do an awful lot examining situations, people, speech patterns and what makes up a psych profile to some extent2. He firstly only addressed half of the immediately visible issues (as she clearly identified…he explained why he could not be reached, but nothing about this MySpace/Facebook abrupt termination), so that leaves something to be desired. Secondly, the wording was just off. It’s like he was trying to let her be pissed and shut him out. Rationalized with her on any feelings of hatred or disappointment or distrust towards him, and completely agreed she may not ever wish to talk to him again. But then he doesn’t even try to win her back over in the following material. Seriously??? You encouraged her to move out, even to help pay for most (if not all) of the moving costs, talk to her throughout the move, and then this shit?!?

Something is blatantly missing here. He’s pushing her away. He’s chickened out over something, and neither of us have any clue why. I had an inkling something like this was afoot when she told me they reneged on their original plan to live together3. I really did not want to believe this inkling, based on another friend who just left an abusive relationship4 just to see something similar happen. But it did.

So. How far does this rank up on the cowardice’o’meter?

1Personally, I have no experience with blocked numbers. I just know I had to get around being screened with my first ex-girlfriend. I honestly don’t know what kind of a message one receives when their phone number has been blocked by the receiving party.
2I have this intense fascination with understanding how people tick. I very often strive to try to understand where someone is coming from in any postural stance on a situation in order to better understand them/people-as-a-whole.
3She told me this was a joint decision, but I kept pressing to find out who proposed the idea. Apparently he did. Call me horrible at trusting people, but I always dig for a reason.
4I kept telling this friend that the relationship should not have gone on how it did for various reasons. Ultimately I knew she would come around, but I still hate that moment when it does. I called her, we talked, and she just kept saying “you were right.” I didn’t want to hear that. It hurts to hear that, because ultimately I didn’t want to be right. Not in a situation like hers.