FYI: Half-naked (torso) photo below behind the cut.
Last week, I was dealing with a lot of my own emotional war all week1, and ended up partaking in a few too many days of inebriation as a distraction from it all. That, combined with the vehicular cesspools that are the TTC right now, this weekend announced the introduction of some later TBD infection.
So hovering around the 190–lbs mark on the scale, this was my first “major” endpoint for the weight I wanted to lose. I told myself that 190 was the primary goal, and I’d slowly settle myself into 180 if it was at all possible. Primarily, the sub–190 range was for whatever reshaping/toning I was hoping to achieve. Despite the inches I’ve lost, not everything has pulled back in with.
Stopping in at Old Navy over the holiday weekend, I picked up a few more garments (and a belt) in more appropriately fitting sizes1. “Regular fit” jeans feel like skinny jeans, I swear. My thighs squeeze into the blasted things snug, the waist fits fine, and there’s tons of room beyond my quad/hamstring muscles from the knee down. I don’t want to always have to wear loose jeans, but I really don’t think my cycling thighs are going to permit it if I keep pushing my legs the way I do. Not sure how to address that issue at the present. Anyhoo. I picked up a pair of jeans after checking whether I fit into a 34″ or 32″ waist. I was shocked to find I’m already able to fit into the 32s. That, and medium shirts are a tisch snug, but a way better fit than larges are right now, so I stocked up on those. And I used to primarily wear size large in high school. Basically, with a little slop in clothing sizes, I am (or will be) wearing the same sizes I was in high school. I think that was ultimately my final goal for this whole weight loss thing.
So, with 190 being a rough guage, and a possible hope for 180, the weight loss plan now changes direction: tone. My triceps hang a bit. My love handles and belly need slimming (so sad that the stretch marks probably will not disappear). My inner thighs could use to lose the excess (bleagh). It’s interesting to see what’s left in the aftermath (of sorts). I’ll be more interested to see what’s left in the end. I need to do my pushups & ab work daily in the mornings again. So tough to do as it’s getting colder (on cold ceramic tiles) in the mornings. Also need to try to do my squats in the evening daily if I can, but at least 2–3 times a week. Beyond that, I need to finally get some dumbbells to more conveniently deal with other regions.
It’s weird to think that I am already this close to the final goal. However, I need to take that with a grain of salt: this is the toughest part, too. Losing the weight was the easy part. Having the patience & persistence to get the rest of this cleaned up (and a lifestyle to maintain it) is going to be the real challenge…
1Jeans are getting loose again, large shirts are a bit on the baggy side, and I am at the innermost hole on my belt that originally didn’t fit when I started this adventure.
More dramatic example of the progress of weight loss. Clearly I must have lost 10–lbs alone in my neck, from the looks of the photos…
Despite having shed nearly 70lbs since New Year’s, it’s been difficult to appreciate what sort of a transformation it has really had on me. I continue to look in the mirror and still see hanging bits of flesh and poorly defined body features. Complicated by the time frame this has occurred over, things have not been readily obvious visually.
I had gone down almost two shirt sizes, and gone from not quite fitting into a belt to now almost needing another (~5″ if not more) because it’s as tight as it can go. People have remarked how obvious it is to them, but somehow it continued to remain elusive to myself visually. At least, until today.
Last night’s inadvertant auto pep talk left me riding a bit of a confidence high. I’ve never been one to take “selfies” as they’re called1, but I felt I should this morning, and so did. Give myself a more current avatar for some social media streams. I pretty promptly felt happy with it, and replaced my previous Facebook profile picture.
Then it hit me.
I finally saw a (significant) difference. Holy hell. That was even before my heaviest at the end of December; I was probably hovering around 245–250lbs. Just seeing the difference around my cheeks and neck was a bit shocking. I still have a bit of double–chin action going on, but that — much like the rest of my body — is still due in part to carrying around so much extra weight for over a decade.
I won’t say I’m totally convinced I’m looking great, but I’ll definitely buy into how much better I (theoretically) look2.
Today was a (mostly) solid day of confidence. Let’s keep this ball rolling, folks…
1I worry that they come off as conceited. I feel like I’ve had such rare reinforcement that I’m handsome/sexy/attractive/etc., I have a hard time believing as such. I think I detailed this somewhere else or another. I remember briefly talking about it with @katekowalski about it. Perhaps it was just a tweet, and not a blog post. Anyhoo. Social preconception expects men to vocally/visually compliment women; social preconception doesn’t seem to suggest the converse.
2I only say theoretically, ’cause I really still have no idea what is or isn’t considered attractive/good–looking in men, let alone how much of it I possess. Yes, yes, I know, it’s different for everyone, but that just makes it all the more complicated!
Ragged in just the sense that I’ve got too many things to get done, and I feel like I’ve hardly touched many of them.
…pretty much describes my weeks feeling like I’m actually settling down into this city.
Since I weighed in at the 260–lbs mark after the new year rolled around, I made (yet another) firm decision to lose weight. I already tried this years ago, both with running and some modest watching of my diet, but I fell off that bandwagon the following year. My weight hovered okay, especially through a summer of dodgeball until I tore my calf during a winter season of kickball. All the sedentary nature slowly let the pounds creep back on until I was back in the 240–250 range. This wasn’t so troublesome until I got to an Italian Thanksgiving, an Italian Christmas, and a big fat Italian wedding all over late 2012.
I have managed to get to the gym every morning this week so far, sticking to the regiment that was setup for me. It’s awfully rough getting up every morning at 5:30am, however. I keep having a tendency to start burning out in the day sometime after lunch, like I really just need a nap. It doesn’t even matter how much I eat for lunch (although a large lunch seems to kick in nap-mode much faster).
I’ve been getting by on just a banana and a breakfast bar (or two breakfast bars when we’re out of bananas) for a breakfast after going to the gym. Since I’m usually extremely starved afterwards, sometimes this feels like a weak breakfast. I really wish I could go for something hot, but I really don’t want to bring microwavable food or pick up fast food. As it is, I had Burger King for lunch today and right around 6pm or so, I had a nasty feeling of gut rot. Between that and having Red Robin for dinner last night, I think my gut was telling me it’s disdain for junky food, despite how tasty it is. *sighs* I have to start watching what I eat now if I’m going to keep eating healthy!
I’m thinking about installing a separate blog for my weight loss endeavor. I’d probably lock that blog up (at least at first) in the thoughts I might throw pictures in there just detailing the progress. Probably just shirtless pictures so it’s a little easier to see the weight loss (most of it will be around the midsection). Yes, there’s that much! Anyhoo, if anyone’s got any remarks about that, feel free to speak up!
In other news, Milla reeks of a fresh batch of sulfated lime. Ringworm is not a fun disease to treat! It’s amazing how much she’ll cry when she’s getting the bath and when she’s left in the bathroom to air-dry with a fan blowing on her. Then not even an hour or two later, she’s dying for our attention again. I think we’re past the trust stage and she’s into the blind-love stage with momentary bouts of distrust.
Anyhow, I need to get to bed so I can decide if I’m still going to the gym in the morning. The gut still feels a little funny, so we’ll see how I’m doing in the morning. Guten nacht!